


silhouette on the rosé balcony

by goodluckrebellion



Series: back into your endless dreams [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Set between episodes 4 and 5, Sleeping Together, a bit angsty, but not quite sfw ya feel, by sleeping together they lie in bed together and go unconscious they dont fuck, no explicit content, rated m to be safe, switching POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:31:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodluckrebellion/pseuds/goodluckrebellion
Summary: He painfully and slowly opened his eyes to the too-bright morning sun seeping into the room, with a killer headache, and a certain beautiful man sleeping beside him.





	silhouette on the rosé balcony

**Author's Note:**

> jesus fucking christ this is a pile of shite. its so all over the place n i apologise 
> 
> and !! srry for not updating in ages!! ive been knocked out in terms of mental and physical health for the past ~month n ive finally got myself back on track??? hell yeah. this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and im teetering on off my fucking face so… lmaoo what do u mean its been over a month? 3.5k+ words? and nothing fucking happens? yooooooooo what the fuuuuuck
> 
> btw guys take care of urselfs… drink plenty of water, eat and sleep well. indulge in a recreational drug from time 2 time SUCH AS alcohol (be responsible) with ur loved ones… or dont if thats not ur thing. play some card games or mario kart or whatever spend time with the friends u love. do not drink or do anythign bad if yr a minor tho shit IS the devils work and im not advorcating 4 that shit. its rly bad trust me im an adult
> 
> fcuk if your a minor you shouldnt be reading this series!! 
> 
> get of my fuckigb,lawn!!!

Yuuri painfully and slowly opened his eyes to the too-bright morning sun seeping into the room, with a killer headache, and a certain beautiful man sleeping beside him. At first, he doesn’t quite believe it. He blinked twice, and to his surprise he’s still there, breathing softly into the bedsheets. 

 

Alongside from waking up next to Viktor, he wakes up to no recollection of the night before. From his vague and foggy memories, he had been coerced into drinking with Viktor, and blabbed on about a lot of stupid things, then he… 

 

He paused, scrunching his eyes up. His memories after that were nonexistent. He woke up in bed, Viktor’s bed, with Viktor himself. 

 

His chest rose and fall as he breathed through soft-looking lips. Guilt crept up in his chest, looking at his long pale eyelashes, and watching his idol breathe softly. On the bridge of his nose and on his cheekbones were very pale freckles that he hadn't even noticed before. At the foot of the bed, a mound of brown fur called Makkachin was snoozing away.

 

A selfish part of him wished that he woke up like this every morning, beside the person he adored, his sweet dog who he also adored, minus the throbbing in his head.

 

While looking at him, Yuuri’s mind wondered at what stupid things he might have done while he was drunk.  He can't even begin to imagine what he might have talked about in the blank space in his memories.

 

He has probably endangered the teacher-student relationship they had, he worried. He had admitted how much he admires Viktor, and even vaguely remembers confessing about about the posters… And painfully realising that he should apologise for all the troubles he’s caused.

 

His mind suddenly thinks of the possibility of if he came onto Viktor, and he broke out in a cold sweat

 

While under the influence, Yuuri knew he had a… tendency to get slightly more handsy than he should do, especially around other men. Back in Detroit, he had apparently gotten into a situation involving a certain Thai skater after a few lagers. Thankfully, _he'd_ laughed it off but… 

 

In silent horror, he continued to eye the man sleeping peacefully next to him up and down. 

 

No, he wouldn't be in bed with him like this if he had even tried to. If he had tried to do anything, he would have been pushed off. He would be banished out of the bedroom, either to collapse in the hallway or subconsciously drag himself to disintegrate, physically and emotionally, in his own bed.

 

Unable to go back to sleep and feeling increasingly guilty from staring at somebody else sleeping, Yuuri slipped out from the covers, focusing to not disturb Viktor or Makkachin as he did. 

 

The journey from Viktor’s bedroom to the bathroom was long and tragic. With every step his head pounded with pain, the extent of how much he had drank the night before becoming crystal clear. He rifled through the cupboard under the bathroom sink to find a sufficient cocktail of painkillers to quell the terrible (albeit self-inflicted) pain in his head. 

 

Three pills of varying sizes and shapes sat in his palm, and he asked himself how he was going to face Viktor when he woke up. Firstly, he should apologise. Secondly, vow never to repeat what he did. And finally, never ever touch alcohol again in his life. As he swallowed all three, he also asked himself how Viktor would have taken last night. Yuuri boisterously declaring his adoration and admiration for Viktor, telling him how nice his aftershave was… If he woke up sleeping next to him, surely it meant that he didn’t take it too badly, right…? He would probably laugh and tease him about it endlessly when he woke up. Yuuri sighed, felt the dull ache in his head, and observed his worn toothbrush. Could he successfully end his own life with just a toothbrush…?

 

“Yuuri?”

 

Viktor’s voice from behind him was soft. Perhaps he knew the extent of the killer hangover Yuuri was victim to. When he turned to look at him, he was barefoot, and his clothes and hair dishevelled from sleep. Their eyes met for a long few moments. Yuuri’s breath was taken away only briefly, with Viktor looking back blankly at him. After a pause, Yuuri remembered to speak.

 

“Ah, good morning, Viktor.”

 

Viktor murmured back a vacant “Good morning,” in response and looked away, still standing in the doorway of the bathroom. His current expression looked lukewarm.

 

“I’m sorry… about yesterday, I-” Yuuri began his apology hurriedly.

 

Until he got cut off suddenly. “Sorry for what?” 

 

Yuuri stopped in his tracks. Viktor looked unusually tense, with taut eyebrows and pale eyes narrowing. The sight was unfamiliar, and caused Yuuri to look down. “I don’t remember it all but, yesterday night, I… said a lot and…” He glances up at Viktor, to try and gauge his reaction. Yuuri swallowed.“I probably said a lot of things… about you…. that weirded you out,” his hand knit themselves together out of habit, and he hated how nervous he sounded. “I’m… sorry.”

 

Something about Viktor’s expression seemed pained, bothering Yuuri. “Anyway, you should try and forget about it,” he added on quickly. 

 

“No, I…” Viktor looked down briefly, “You’ve admired me so much for a long time, and I never knew. That’s why you’ve been so reluctant to open up to me, isn’t it?”

 

Yuuri nodded, and could feel his face heat up. ‘ _It’s ridiculous isn’t it?’_ He wants to say. He was no better than one of many of Viktor’s inevitable creepy fans, the kind that would collect posters and dream about what kind of aftershave he wore. Viktor paused, and waiting for him to continue felt like a stretch. He was bracing himself for anything. None of this would have happened if he could treat Viktor like a normal human being.

 

“…I liked it, you know,” Viktor said softly, at long at last.

 

“…What?” Yuuri’s thoughts escaped his mouth before he could even stop them.

 

“I enjoyed talking with you. I hadn’t heard you talk that much, especially to me. And… after that, but I, ah…” Viktor looked away, smiling somewhat shyly. “I was waiting, and hoping that you’d open up to me. I… felt like we finally grew a lot closer.”

 

_A lot closer_ , those are words that echoed inside of Yuuri’s head while he increasingly became more faint and warm. Viktor _wanting_ to be closer to him? Yuuri desperately wished he remembered more. “The last thing I remember is asking about your aftershave,” He mumbled numbly. “I don’t even remember what brand it was…”

 

Viktor stared at him blankly for a moment. His shy slight grin had gone, and was replaced with a concerned expression. “Viktor?”

 

“ _Dior Homme_.” He responded.

 

“Oh, thanks…”

 

Viktor still looked out of his depths, staring at nothing or nowhere in particular. Did they talk about something particularly sensitive?

 

“Viktor, are you-?“

 

“Yuuri.” Viktor snapped his head up, their eyes finally meeting. “What do you want to do today?”

 

Yuuri blinked. …Of course, the reason why Yuuri was convinced into drinking in the first place was because today was their planned day off. Though more than anything Yuuri wanted to run off to the ice rink and skate himself to calmness in peace on the ice. “I’m not sure,” He replies.

 

“We should do something,” Viktor casually suggested. Yuuri’s eyes grew a little wider.

 

_We?_ Usually, on his rare days off he’d spend it alone, playing video games, watching television, or browsing the internet, allowing him to recharge a little. Is this what growing closer means? Viktor acting somewhat strangely and having to spend his time with him?

 

Yuuri would take it and run with it.

 

—

 

Yuuri had not remembered the night before. Viktor mourned as he fiddled with his hands, barely paying attention to the movie playing on Yuuri’s laptop. Naturally, it wasn’t too surprising, seeing that he was heavily intoxicated at the time. 

 

But worst of all, Viktor still remained undecided on whether to tell him. 

 

Of course, if it was with any other person he would have straight up told them. But with the nature of their relationship, being coach and student, Viktor was concerned. There would be no easy way to tell him, seeing that he knew that Yuuri had practically (and in part, still does) idolise him. Telling him that he slept with him would be a slight blow, but telling him that he was the _first_ person he slept with would be… 

 

Telling him would definitely be a critical emotional blow to Yuuri, which in turn would affect his skating. Viktor wanted to tell himself that Yuuri was mentally strong enough to handle something like this, but if he was honest to himself, he was unsure. 

 

Yuuri obviously respected and admired him, yet he seemed so reluctant to open up while sober, even after the conversation in the bathroom. Though very slowly, he slowly seemed to be warming up to him. Even now, they were side-by-side under the warm _kotatsu_. He was smiling, still in the clothes he had slept in, and his hair was still messy. 

 

Occasionally, their shoulders would touch, and Viktor would glance at his lips. The experience as a whole wasn’t bad at all. Although he had no other times to compare it to, it was far better than anything that he could ever do by himself. It wasn’t just the feeling of having someone else’s hand on him; having Yuuri breathlessly murmur his name, or suggesting to do something obscene to him, or kissing him so intensely…

 

“Viktor?”

 

“Hm?” Viktor was immediately pulled out of his idle thoughts. 

 

“You seem quiet today,” Yuuri spoke carefully.

 

“My head hurts,” He lied quickly, hoping that Yuuri didn’t suddenly become a telepath.

 

“Mine too.” Yuuri laughed quietly, “How unhappy would you be if you said that I wanted to go skating?”

 

Viktor frowned. “…You want to skate while hungover?”

 

“Not really. I’m just in a good mood.” Yuuri hummed is response. 

 

Regardless of how Yuuri took it, or what it would mean to Yuuri if he remembered, to Viktor the night before had deepened his feelings for him.He wanted to get even closer to Yuuri, not just physically, but…

 

_“You should kiss me more often.”_

 

He suddenly remembered those words. It wouldn’t be that hard, Viktor told himself in his head, and feeling the top of his neck heat up. He was perceived as a suave, charming, and could sweep anyone off their feet in an instant. Surely, he could kiss one person, easily. If he reacted badly, he could chalk it up as a harmless joke or foreign… customs. Maybe. 

 

He had almost kissed him before, on the ice where he played the persona of a playboy celebrity. But that was before Viktor knew of the Yuuri that lurked behind the mask of sobriety, and whatever restrain that mask gave him.

 

Yuuri had probably kissed many other people before him, many more than Viktor had. He could count the number of people he had kissed properly on one hand and have a few fingers left, not including Yuuri. He wondered how he was in comparison to any of Yuuri's other partners, and if his inexperience was obvious, or if Yuuri even felt good. Even if there was no use in asking, Viktor longed to know.

 

—

 

The day passed too quickly. They watched a few movies together, went on a brief walk with Makkachin, but most importantly talked.

 

After their evening meal, they had ended up on Viktor’s bed again. Yuuri was playing on his handheld games device, stylus in hand, while Viktor watched. Yuuri explained the rules to Viktor, while he listened and tried to offer advice. He had even attempted to play, until he did so poorly that Yuuri had to intervene, still smiling.

 

It came to where Viktor was looking at their reflection in the bathroom mirror, brushing their teeth by the sink. It was an unfamiliar but welcoming sight of them finally growing closer, and it also it dawned of Viktor that this was their final moments together until they had to go to their respective rooms. 

 

After Viktor rinsed his mouth out, he steeled himself, and stared at the porcelain of the sink.

 

“Can you sleep with me tonight? Again?” Viktor spoke impulsively, and his words slipped out.

 

Yuuri paused, and looked at him completely puzzled. “…Why?”

 

He didn’t even have the energy to look at him to tilt his head and wink, playing it off as a joke. “It’s… lonely if it’s just me,” he replied honestly. He wanted to spend a little longer with Yuuri, just for this rare day off. Before, Yuuri had rejected him and perhaps he would again. He waited.

 

“...Okay?” Yuuri eventually said very hesitantly, as if it was a question. 

 

As they made themselves down the hallway, Yuuri looked at the back of Viktor's head, wondering what was going through it. When they got to Viktor's room, Yuuri slipped into Viktor’s bed beside him, and turned to face him. Viktor closed his eyes, but his mind still raced.

 

Viktor wondered if he was just a one-night thing. Yuuri had enough confidence the night before to convince him that he’d had experiences like theirs before… Was he really inexperienced in love like he initially let on? Or had he never experienced emotional intimacy, and only something purely physical…?

 

Or that his attraction toward Viktor was purely physical. Sure, he admired Viktor as a skater, but that didn’t have to mean he wanted him in a romantic sense. Perhaps he was a just a link in a long chain of one-night stands. Doubt crept into his thoughts. Maybe it was just Viktor that had felt something when they had kissed…

 

“Viktor…?”

 

Viktor opened his eyes, and Yuuri’s were looking right back at him. People had fallen in love with his skating, his good looks, but he only wanted one person to fall in love with just him.

 

“You look like something’s bothering you,” As always, Yuuri is gentle and sensitive, and spoke carefully to him.

 

“There’s… something that I want to ask you,” Viktor enquired, trying not to to sound jittery.

 

Yuuri only looks at him, as if to tell him to continue. He steadies himself. Tiptoeing around the issue wouldn’t work. If he didn’t get a straightforward answer, he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Or maybe for many, many other nights.

 

Viktor’s heart hammered in his chest. “Are you attracted to me, Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened. ‘ _Physically,’_ Viktor forgot to add, but the look that the man beside him had somehow stopped him. Yuuri’s mouth grew a little slack, and he looked deep in thought.

 

“Maybe a little bit,” He finally murmured, “Just a little bit.”

 

Viktor swallowed. 

 

“I always admired you. Before we met, and ever since I started skating seriously…” 

 

Though still from waiting with bated breath for a response, unfortunately Viktor still had the capacity to remember how old he’s getting. 

 

“I thought the idol worship mentality would wear off, when I got to know you as an actual person, but you… I…”

 

Yuuri’s voice was wavering, and Viktor hung on every word.

 

“You were a lot different than how I imagined. Kind of eccentric, maybe all over the place sometimes, but still as passionate and exciting to be around as I thought. You’re confident, and talented, and everything I… Nevermind. I’ve probably already told you…”

 

He trailed off, and Viktor almost wanted to ask him to continue. Yuuri’s voice lowered, hushed and barely audible. “Also, you’re… very kind to me, Viktor. I really appreciate that.”

 

Viktor looked at the ceiling, panelled with wood. He let the words sink in, as he could feel blood rising to his cheeks. Surely this was a confession of sorts. He had to act on this, somehow. “Is there anything that would make you happier?”

 

Without skipping a beat he responded, “Gold at the grand prix final.”

 

Viktor chuckled, “No… Say, anything I could do…?”

 

As Yuuri stopped to think, Viktor waited nervously. _Tell me that you remember last night_ , he thought, _tell me that you wished that we were something more than we were right now ,tell me that you want to sleep like this every night… Tell me that you want to kiss me goodnight…_

 

“Nothing, really,” He said, without much thought.

 

“…Nothing at all?”

 

“I’m happy as I am right now,” he replied effortlessly and smiling.

 

 

—

 

Viktor was strangely unguarded on this particular night. 

 

Yuuri felt as thought he was missing a piece of something. Viktor asking him if he was attracted to him, or making if Viktor could do anything for him… All while lying in bed together.

 

Surely, Yuuri was just taking this the wrong way. Maybe this was some kind of… bonding. Just some Coach-student bonding. He reassured himself, all while his heart hammered beneath his chest.

 

“Isn’t there anything I can do for you, Viktor?” He asked back in return.

 

Viktor’s pale eyes looked away from Yuuri.

 

“Since you always do so much for me… I should be the one asking you,” It was true. Viktor had come all the way here to be his coach, with no payment (yet…), if anything it should be Yuuri that should be improving himself for Viktor in aspects other than his staking.

 

“…Can you kiss me?” Viktor asked, almost under his breath.

 

_What._ “What?” 

 

Their eyes met, and Viktor repeated what he said a little more surely. “Kiss me goodnight?”

 

“But… why?” He asked back. Yuuri was caught off-guard. A dime in a dozen skater and person had no place doing something like kissing Viktor Nikiforov, especially outside some sick teenage daydreams.

 

He quietly yet straightforwardly responded. “Because I want to be kissed by you?”

 

Frustratingly straightforward. Even if the request was as daunting as it was, he couldn’t refuse a request from Viktor. He chalked it up to plain loneliness, and attempted not to dwell on it. For now.

 

As he shifted closer to Viktor, Viktor’s fingers brushed the back of Yuuri’s hand, eventually lacing them between Yuuri’s fingers. Yuuri’s other hand was shakily brought up to Viktor’s face, brushing the hair that had fallen over his face so he could see both of his eyes. Even in the darkness in the room, he could spot the faint freckles that had come up on his nose and cheeks from the sun.

 

Regardless of how many days they had spent together already, he was still stunning.

 

He softly pressed a small kiss just to the side of Viktor’s mouth, brief and chaste. He imagined that this is what a goodnight kiss should be like. Viktor smiled as he pulled back, and his heart ached. “Viktor, I…?”

 

He had no idea on how to continue. _‘Viktor, I think I might be in love with you,’ ‘Viktor, I don’t know why this had to be with me,’ ‘Viktor, I want to kiss you again…’_

 

Viktor’s relationships were never in the limelight of his celebrity life. It was inevitable, with his good looks, charming demeanour and gentleness, that he had a long string of ex-lovers; all hidden away from the public eye, to be whisked away on romantic excursions in exotic places, he had imagined. 

 

Seeing Viktor smile gave him a strange and irrational rush of confidence, which made him lean in and kiss him again. This time, he had made sure to kiss him on the lips.

 

Yuuri was absolutely nothing compared to all of Viktor’s ex-lovers, but for this period of time he had Viktor to himself. Whatever his result at the Grand Prix Final was, and wherever in the world Viktor was in the following year, he might remember Yuuri on some nights far, far into the future; because he kissed him once out of the blue. He knew Viktor’s existence by his side was fleeting, and if Yuuri could make some kind of impression on him, he’d be satisfied.

 

Surprisingly, Viktor didn’t resist. The second kiss was barely longer than the first, but to both of them it lingered. Viktor’s lips were as soft as they looked and Yuuri had imagined; this single chaste kiss was better than any of those he had dreamt about.

 

Yuuri, expecting a neutral to negative reaction pulled back shakily, though Viktor’s expression seemed somehow relaxed. He looked away from Yuuri, and Yuuri took it as a cue to pull back to where he was before, away from Viktor, instead of being so dangerously close to Viktor. 

 

When their eyes met, Viktor offered a slight smile along with a “Thank you…” murmured very softly. 

 

“Goodnight, Viktor,” Yuuri could only mumble back, his hand still holding the other man’s, with no intention of letting go yet.

 

Yuuri’s eyes closed, still completely shaken from what had just happened. The gears in his mind still turned, repeating the words _’Stay here with me?’_ , _‘I want to be kissed by you,’_ and _’Thank you,’_ inside his head, until hours later when he ultimately succumbed to sleep.

 

—

 

The days and weeks passed after that night, continuing in a seemingly normal manner. The two grew closer, slowly opening up to one another; although the times when they had slept together, metaphorically and literally, were never brought up in those days.

 

On some nights, Yuuri will lie awake at night, and will wonder if Viktor even remembers that he kissed him. And instead, Viktor will stare at his bedroom door, hoping that a certain someone would come knocking, to spend the night with him once more.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh rereading it now and even in my drunken state my writings so weird and all over the place n weird!! characters seem so ooc and im!!! im sorry. but im posting it anyway cos fuck it!!! lifes fucking short!!!! pls in the comments or elsewhere tell me if ive messed up anywhere in terms of english or something. i dont mind in fact its much appreciated im barely able to edit with my current state... ill fix it in the morning. i mean thinking abt it if one person reads it and enjoys it myy work heres done and this was all worth, right? 
> 
> btw kotatsu is the low table and blanket you see in anime where you stick your feet under it and its warm. i feel like viktor would esp appreciate getting h is feet toasty warm under it
> 
> cheers n ty as always 4 reading… means a lot.... love u loads whoever u are n wherever u are. make sure ur the best person u can be 
> 
> and check out my [tumblr](https://777rebellion.tumblr.com/) n drop me a line if u want ! would link my main n twitter but i dont want my mates knowing i write softcore gay porn on the dl ya feel me. wow i wrote a lot here sry


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